you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
