is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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