Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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