I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He better not be in your backpack
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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