while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will pee on everything he values.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
wow bdsm is so cute
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
