Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
