I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
