That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How does it feel to date your dad?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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