I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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