I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
