he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
