Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
