I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think i have two assholes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
