no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
