What a fucking waste of an outfit
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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