some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We left the knife in your bed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
