you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
