If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
