Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
