I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
