if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
