i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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