but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
