Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
