Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize