Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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