I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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