I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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