i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
