just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
