actually, I'm a sock model
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
