The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
