i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wear drunk well.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
