she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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