these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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