she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need water and some morals
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
