I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
