hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
