so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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