508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't deserve a penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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