I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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