Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This house was built for laser tag.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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