dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
