yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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