I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
