I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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