I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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