Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
