Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
