Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
