I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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