I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
