I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
