I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
as a side note pls kill me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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