Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
