then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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