make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
