In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
