Ketchup is God's man juice
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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