apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
