Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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