All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
