How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
