He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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