I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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