He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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