So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize