Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I love having hate sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
