You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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