His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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