You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
