a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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