Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
