Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
